Assignment #8: Hannah Qazi - California

Fears - dying alone, living in complete silence, isolation

Annoyances - people who chew with their mouth open, insensitivity and ignorance towards a culture, cleaning the litterbox

Accomplishments - maintaining a healthy relationship with my family,  dedicating at least an hour a day toward my passions: art and piano, being trilingual (english, urdu, pashto)

Confusions - racism/sexism, physics

Sorrows - not making the most of my childhood/adolescence, not speaking up for myself, not keeping in touch with my grandpa before he passed, not making the most of a moment because I already know I'll miss it

Dreams - as cliche as it sounds, move to California to be closer to my family and friends, to be happy and successful in life, to live in another country and visit Pakistan at least once in my lifetime

Idiosyncrasies - I make a wish and blow on every fallen eyelash I see, If I spend enough time with someone I begin to imitate their behavior

Risks - skydiving (did), moving to another country (want)

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then - memories with my cousins and grandpa (now) and my cats/ stuffed animals (then)

Problems - i'm extremely insecure and obsess over the judgment of others

Exactly two years ago, I re-established my relationship with my extended family (my mother's side) after six long years of grudges and ignorance. It's frustrating to me that this all had to be resolved at my grandfather's funeral, instead of during his lifetime when he could've seen his family together one last time. There are still so many questions I have for him that will permanently be left unanswered, but it's my own fault for failing to ask them. It's hard not to dwell on all the memories I missed out on with him because of these irrelevant issues and the two thousand miles between us, but I try to cherish every moment I spend with my family now because although I would never admit it to them, they really are my best friends. As soon as I step into LAX, I am bombarded with hugs and reminded of their unconditional love. Despite the extreme joy I feel with their presence, I find myself reminiscing on the time I have with them before I've even left, which is why if I would drop everything to permanently be with them. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.