Assignment 7- Emma Lauritzen, Surprise: I don't want to go to college

Alright...so I don't really want to go to college, but don't tell my parents. I mean I will go to college, but it does not excite me like it does everyone else. The thought that I have to spend another 4-10 years sitting in classrooms makes me want to become a nomad. On the other hand, I know I need to go to college. This is where is gets tricky though because the college I want to go to cant possibly exist because of the contradictory nature of my wants.

• 10,000 students but a 10:1 student ratio
• as far away as possible but still close to home 
• Cold but warm 
• In DC but not near my brother (GW) 
• chill but prestigious

See my problem. I just really don't like the idea of college because I struggle enough in high school as is. I also struggle because I don't know what I want to study and at this point im just choosing colleges based on how pretty the campus is. I like American University but it is not the ideal school for studying psychology, I like Furman but i'm not smart enough to get in and its really small. The thought of college makes me sick to my stomach. All of my friends are so excited and seem to have the plan and then there's me-confused as all hell. There is one college that really peaks my curiosity and that is College of Charleston, i'm going to visit in January. The campus is stunning, they have a good psychology and anthropology program, there are all four seasons, and its a good size. 

At the root of it, I think college stresses me out most because I know that I am not as academic as the rest of my grade, my scores and grades don't compare. But I have been trained to want to go to all of the same colleges-colleges that I wont be able to get into, and the thought of being rejected from these dreamy schools that all of my friends will get into makes me want to curl up into a ball and disappear.  I understand that I haven't really answered the prompt but to answer it I would have to have a plan which I lack almost completely and even writing this makes me feel sick with nerves. So to complete the requirement for the prompt, here is the lie that I tell everyone when they ask where I want to go to college: 

I want to go to American University in DC, because they have a nice campus, a great teacher to student ratio, its my ideal size, and their anthropology program is very good. Its also in DC which means there are great job and internship opportunities. 

My hopes for the university that I end up going to are that it satisfies me, that I make friends, that I figure out what I want to do with my life, and that the experiences help shape a good adult version of myself. So in conclusion, i'm honestly really confused and I'm sorry that I did a poor job of answering the prompt.