assignment #12 - lily gardner: muffin muffin muffin

I desperately aspire to be “muffin muffin muffin,” yet according to most, I’m “horse horse bird.” That is to say, I desperately aspire to be more laid back, easy going, go with the flow, relaxed, comfortable, etc etc. I don’t think anyone would describe me as any of those traits without significant prodding. 

I like to wake up at the moment when my room is too cold to get out of bed, but under the mass of comforter, it is an ideal temperature, to listen to music as loud as I want, then shut it off as soon as I become stressed. I don’t mind dirt or hair or piles of clothes, but I want to know that some cleaning supplies have touched the surfaces in a space once every couple of weeks. 

I pee, a lot. It’s a frequent topic of conversation, especially in my grody high school. You’ll soon get used to helping me scout out bathrooms whenever we go to a public place. I can cook, I think that’s a sell, but I can’t bake. I like to eat savory foods after I finish my sweet ones, but will always have a square of dark chocolate when I’m sad. 

I buy many books, I read few of them. I make piles of cards and notices for events that I collect around town and never go to. I like to stash things of value within those piles, only to tear through them looking for it later.

I am stubborn, to a fault, yet I won’t stand up for myself till the end. I’m sorry, but I won’t tell you whatever you’re doing wrong until I’ve reached a point that I cannot live without you unless it changes. I scream, but then any anger quickly dissipates. I’m not one to hold grudges.

As Wes says, I stay “booked and busy,” I’m trying to work on that one, too. My self care comes in waves of me canceling things I have to do, because I’ve neglected other important tasks, then decided to just ignore everything and go to sleep at 10 PM. This happens two or three times a month.

When I get nervous, or am simply too caffeinated, I don’t shut up. You’ll have to tell me to stop. I won’t take offense, even though I care deeply about what people say about me. Sometimes I put up a good facade.

I like art, everywhere, even if it’s just printed our photos or postcards or the cheap prints from the streets of New York. I hoard clothing, but I wear it all. I need sunlight to survive and hate it when we close the windows. It’s because I can sleep anywhere, I’m almost narcoleptic.

I cannot watch television, but get really into movies. I go through long periods of time telling everyone I’m going to drastically change my life as a result. This also happens when I spend too much time on Pinterest or Instagram or in high school. I love identity, yet constantly want to change it.

When I say “mad respect” or “dope,” that’s a good thing. So is when I curse, most of the time. As I said, it’s hard for me to be angry out loud. I will complain, however, but try and spare you the bulk of it. I am like my grandmother in that sense, I lack patience and vent about other people’s shortcomings to conceal my own.

This is all to say, I’m a brilliant roomate.