I don't really have a top college. Of course I have schools I dream to go to but either by fear or financial incapability, I've barely even considered them when pondering the next chapter of my life. I hope that this fear doesn't cost me a worthwhile four years of my life, however I do recognize the need for me to break free from the bonds that keep me from pursuing these schools. Established schools such as Juilliard or Carnegie Mellon feel far out of my reach, but are they really? Maybe only financially.
Anyway, back to my experience. I do think I would be compatible for those aforementioned schools, and more that I didn't mention. Not to be "quirky" or "not like other girls" (lol) but I was painfully aware from the moment that I remember that I wouldn't be one to fit the mold of what was expected. I frequently fought my parents on the gender roles they tried to push down my throat and the blue they inundated me with from childhood. I rejected the masculinity that many today would consider toxic. While this speaks for my childhood, it did form how I did and continue to develop. I've had this awareness of the redundancy of ideals and notions that society has attempted to force upon anyone willing since the moment I can remember.
This, I think, might have also been what first drew me to the theatre. Not only was it something that for boys my age was looked down upon, but it was something that I could explore the lives of others and experiment with what my truth is. One thing I love about theatre is that I always learn about myself through the characters I've been blessed to portray. Of course I learn about them too, but I believe it's that privilege to inhabit the lives and experiences of others that has also formed my own experience and my own truth. This awareness is double sided, both a blessing and a painful curse. Ignorance is bliss, and I frequently wish for such bliss. The reality of my experience and truth is one I don't yet have the yearning to express, but my experience is one that at one point brought me great pain. Now, however, it brings me pride. Diversity should be celebrated and nourished in society.
Thus, I would be a great fit for schools like Juilliard. They promote diversity and a culture teeming with creatives from across the globe. A community of artists is essential not only to a young artist like myself, but also the overall community. My only wish is to make change and be apart of a community of artists that can bring light to those around them in times of darkness. Even if I don't go to Juilliard, even if I stay in the state I feel constricts my potential as an artist, I believe there is a place for artists in our local society, as there is everywhere.
No matter where I go, the school that I spend my first four years of adulthood in will be the best fit for my experiences and my truth. That much I know. If Juilliard is my best fit, I'll be accepted. If not, then the best fit for me as an individual is waiting for me. As an artist, doors will always be open, for artists are needed by society more now than ever. I have faith that wherever I end up, it will be perfect for my current situation.
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